Delmar Stroad to be Widened

Delmar Stroad to be Widened

{The Delmar Boulevard of the Future}

The University City Council voted Monday night to widen Delmar Boulevard from Kingsland to the city limits. The St. Louis City Board of Aldermen concurrently approved widening from the city limits to Des Peres Avenue. Congestion has crippled the street for years. Speed limits will increase to 35 mph. “Our model is Hampton and Hanley. They really move traffic,” Alderman Carl Carlson said.

“Traffic will be able to leave St. Louis and pass through University City much more quickly. I can’t imagine a better way to bridge the border of the two counties,” St. Louis County Department of Highways and Traffic spokesman David Wrone said. Kingsland, Leland, Melville, Westgate and Eastgate will be closed at Delmar to aid traffic flow and be replaced by curb cuts for new businesses.

MoDOT St. Louis District Engineer Greg Horn said, “we are excited to be a part of this project. I think our customers will be pleased with the higher level of service” The state will take over maintenance of Delmar Strd. The new state road will be designated MO-666.

When asked if it would negatively impact Metrolink ridership Horn said, “I don’t think so. I mean those people *have* to ride it, right?”

“These infrastructure investments will be a boon to the University City economy,” said Alderman Francis James “Slim Jim” D’Amico, of D’Amico General Contracting. The Council awarded D’Amico General Contracting the road improvement contract. “These projects will create a lot of jobs.” The Council also award D’Amico Wrecking the demolition contracts.

“A dream come true! This is the best day in my life since the trolley lines came down,” said U City resident Elsie Beck Glickert wearing an I Heart Stroads button. She won a contest 50 years ago to ceremoniously cut down the trolley wires.

“Our employees live as far away as Chesterfield and O’Fallon. They need tog et home to their families as quickly as possible,” AT&T spokesman Lionel Hutz said.

Another chronic problem has been ne’er do well teens terrorizing the area by loitering on the sidewalks. “We think the narrowed sidewalks will encourage the teens to move along,” U City Police Chief Wiggum said.

The U City Council also passed a TIF district to spur redevelopment of Delmar. Madoff Investors will be the TIF bond broker and primary investor. “You know, a town with money’s a little like the mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it, and danged if he knows how to use it!” Lyle Lanley, chief broker at Madoff, presented to the Council.

A Quicktrip will be going in at Kingsland and Delmar so motorists heading west don’t have to double back to go to the Shell at Skinker. The South side of the 6600 block of Delmar will be replaced with an Applebee’s with 40 parking spaces. A Walgreen’s will go in with 35 parking spaces at Westgate. It will include a drive-thru pharmacy, a long sought after amenity for the area.

Church’s Chicken will make its triumphant return to the strip at Leland and Delmar. “We’re glad to be back. With the wider street our customers will be able to leave the neighborhood quickly, so they can get home before their food gets cold,” Church’s Chicken Spokesman Hans Moleman said.

The project’s funding is a true collaboration. University City will kick in $1M, St. Louis City $1M. Thanks to the new state-wide 1% transportation sales tax MoDOT will pay the lion’s share of $5M. The project also won a $3M Federal Congestion Mitigation grant.

*If you’re still reading, yes, this is an April Fools’ Day post.


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